


And We Silenced the Guilt

by Jinx



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known, Happy Ending, M/M, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Derek, One Shot, POV Derek, Warning: Kate Argent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-04-03
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinx/pseuds/Jinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He almost lost everything, the guilt coating his tongue like tar till he's choking on it. Then a single by chance meeting changed everything; and he found himself no longer crushed by the guilt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And We Silenced the Guilt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neptunepirate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neptunepirate/gifts).



Derek didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to look at Stiles, watch as his face closed off and his eyes turned cold as he forces himself to let Stiles go. Let the prospect of them fade as he hides all his want away. Because Stiles deserved more, deserves better then what little Derek could give him and it hurts. His chest aches with the pain of the knowledge, the words heavy and thick in his throat as he tries to get them out. Derek knows he needs to do this, needs to finally get them out there into the open before the idea of them being more then they are, before it becomes more then a fancy to the younger man. But it hurts so much to try and get them out so he’s standing here teeth grinding together as he tries to get the jumble of words to form a sentence and stop choking him. It shouldn't be like this though, he shouldn't have to let him go; everything inside of him is fighting to keep what is his but how could he allow himself to have Stiles when there is so little of himself left to give in return?

Before he can even form anything remotely resembling English, Stiles is rolling his eyes at him, lips pursed tight together for a moment in exasperation. Then he’s breathing out a sigh and striding forwards, determination in every line of his body as he lifts his hands and grips at Derek’s shirt. He could easily break Stiles’s grip on him, easily break away and run but there is something in the other mans expression that stills him, keeps him standing there on the lawn for all the neighbors to see; unable to move or breathe.

“You are an idiot.” Stiles says firmly once more rolling his eyes before his hands lift from his shirt to cup his cheeks just as firmly. They don’t shake, they don’t tremble they keep Derek still. The feel of them is everything he’s ever wanted and the warmth of them is breaking through all the lies Derek’s told himself about who and what Stiles is to him.

Then the younger boy is leaning in, closing the distance and kissing him firmly, all it is is a brush of lips against lips to anyone watching but to them, to Derek? It is so much more, its a connection, a link, a bond tying him to Stiles. It's the first true touch between them and he can feel and hear the other boys soft gasp as the connection is made and heat flares as he reaches up and pulls Stiles tight against him.

He knows that if he were to look, under his shirt under his right breast bone the name Stiles was born with would be writing itself on his skin; right above the Endless Knot. He had always kept the symbol hidden, covered it with special makeup to keep it safe from Hunter’s prying eyes, especially after Kate. Who wore her todesrune with pride on the side of her neck and that should have been his first warning with her. But he had been so overwhelmed by her, so threatened by her at the time; unable to say no. It left him here standing where he is, gripping his mate tight to his chest as their lips pressed together slowly deepening the kiss as the bond grew and tied them firmly together.

Stiles who wore the Endless Knot low on his pelvis bone in the same bright crisp lines that Derek only caught sight of because Stiles walked into his room in only a towel. He hadn’t been able to hide his reaction, the way he stepped back hand lifting on its own accord to where he still hid his own mark. Had watched in stunned and scared silence as Stiles had tilted his head a frown pulling on his lips before his eyes had widened and he had started to smile. That smile, the hope that had radiated out from him, lifting his scent had made Derek turn and fly out the boys window. Once he had hit the ground he hadn't stopped running, the shift taking over once he was in the woods behind the Stilinski's house. Ran for hours till his lungs ached, he was dripping sweat and his legs ached; till his feet eventually carried him back. Back to where he belonged and outside Stiles's home. Thank goodness the rest of his family was out of town to visit Uncle Peter in San Francisco instead of being witness to his panic at finally finding his mate. 

But now here they were clutching at one another tightly as their hearts beats steadied into the same rhythm, hands clutching at one another unable to part. They were complete now, bonded and marked as each others, no one human or werewolf could pull them apart. To harm one was to harm the other, the laws strict and well knotted when it came to bonded pairs, even the hunters had to abide by them. As much as he had wanted to run, now that he has Stiles right where he belongs, Derek can't imagine turning him away, can't imagine loosing him. He also can't believe he had almost walked away, almost turned his back on this, he's just thankful that Stiles is no where as stupid as he is and hadn't let him go. 

\- - -  
Everyone has one, a Mark of some sort; something that represents them and their mates as a whole, something that is universal for them. They aren't there at birth no they either show up with in days or months after birth for the younger and on the day of the birth of their mate for the older. Most Marks are stark black and easily recognized as a Mark not a beauty mark, mole or freckle but some, some stand out simply because they blaze with color. Derek's own shows up on his chest when he's five almost six and bright dizzying blue, his mothers and fathers, Laura's and everyone else in his family were stark black. 

He'd stared at it in the mirror in his room, fingers rubbing at it over and over again in worry; after all why was his such a bright blue? At first he thought something was wrong, wrong with the Mark, wrong with him or his mate. The look on his mothers face when she walked in on him touching the mark said otherwise; there had been so much awe and delight visible in her eyes as she walked further into his bedroom.

“Oh pup...” She breathed out as she came to kneel before him, her face soft and loving as she lets her fingers drift over the Mark millimeters above his skin. She doesn't actually touch him and yet he's reacting like she had, fangs dropping and bared, eyes flashing and a growl rumbling in his chest. The instant reaction made her toss her head back and laugh, the Mark was his, his and his mates she didn't get to touch. “This is a good thing, this is a very special thing.” She breathes out eyes still wide and glowing crimson as she watches him, the Alpha wasn't angry but she was very very serious as she regarded him. She sat there watching him till he calmed down before nodding her head firmly.

The house is quiet as she tells him about Marks, how it will lead him to his mate, how everyone has one; how while most are commonly black but many Marks have colors that fade, deepen or brighten as the years go on. That it doesn't mean something is wrong, just that it means the bond is stronger, special, rare and that it must be guarded at all cost. 

He doesn't listen, didn't listen and it almost cost him everything.

He was sixteen and her name was Kate. Kate Argent and he should have picked up something was wrong the first time she entered his class room at the beginning of September, the way her eyes flickered over the students like a predator; the sharp astringent scent of her perfume. But no he had allowed himself to watch the way her hips swayed, the way she smiled so sweetly, eyes downcast and head tilted just so to bare not only her throat but her black Mark. The sharp rough lines, uneven and fractured kept catching his eye, it was so different from his own perfectly straight and solid Mark. He had been so curious about her, a little bit infatuated with her at first. Infatuated with the attention she gave him, the soft smiles that graced her lips. Kate had made him feel special and smart, invincible and destined for such great things; made him feel older then he was. He'd loved her, in a way. 

The only way he felt comfortable describing her, even now, was like fire. She was bright and warm and just a little bit cruel. She was so unlike anyone he'd ever known. She'd drew him in, doted on him. He'd felt so different with her. So he let her in. They had changed, everything about their relationship changed that night. It had honestly surprised him how much he hated it. To love her, and hate how she could kiss him. 

He had learned to fear her, fear her place in his life, feared her power over him and he allowed her to compromise him. To compromise his integrity and self-worth all because he was too terrified of her, of her power over him. 

He let it go on for too long, was too scared, hiding the affair to the best of his abilities at the time and he will forever be grateful for Laura showing up to pick him up. Grateful that she got worried and scented his fear, thankful she was smart enough to sneak away and get the principal when she did. Because if she hadn't Kate Argent would have succeeded in destroying their family by setting their house a blaze with the family trapped inside. 

\- - -  
He met Stiles by accident three years later, he had just turned nineteen. He had just graduated high school and was taking a year off to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He had no direction, no drive, everything he looked up for schooling options rang flat, nothing peeked his interest and he dragged his feet as slowly as he could over the ground kicking up dust. After Kate he hadn't wanted to stay, had wanted to book the first train ticked out of Beacon Hills and never look back. 

It felt like she had taken everything he was worth, all the good he could do and perverted it, she had taken everything he could think to offer his mate and destroyed it. How could it not feel that way? He'd just handed it over to her. He handed everything to her. Allowed her access to everything he was and could be. She'd ran her bitten nails over his mark and cooed. And he's just... let her. Hadn't hidden, or drawn her hand away. How could he even look for his mate when he had allowed her to do what she did? Even just thinking about looking for his match made him wince and flinch back, guilt filling him up and coating his tongue with tar. Nothing anyone said, nothing Laura said could make him forgive himself for what had happened with her. No matter what his family or the therapist said it had still been on him, he had allowed it but it didn't change the fact that as many times as he tried to leave town after graduation his feet kept leading him back. 

So his mother had gotten him a job at the local youth center to keep him out of trouble as well as get him out of the house. She ignored his protests and complaints that he would just stay out in the woods, Talia Hale wasn't someone you messed with or talked back too. So she had gotten him a job and told him if he even complained once she'd have his hide, her eyes flashing Alpha red as she tossed him the keys to the Camero and kicked him out the door. 

The first week was quiet, easy to get used to the routine and the feel of the old worn building, his favorite part of the center was the library. The air smelt of old books and vanilla, it was cozy and warm from the sunlight spilling through the walls of windows. The best thing about the library was that hardly any of the kids who flocked to the center bothered to even check it out. Most would rather be out on the courts and jungle gym then cooped up for longer in a library after arriving from school. 

By the end of the first week the library has become Derek's job, he organizes, cleans, puts books back whenever someone left them lying around. He doesn't know who had taken to leaving the books laying pages up halfway or near the end, in increasingly strange places. Derek had found the Hobbit and all three Lord of the Rings stashed about the library, pages facing the lights. The Hobbit was on the arm of one of the over stuffed armchairs, the Fellowship was under one of the tables, the Two Towers was in the kids area right beside the blocks, the Return of the King was on the floor right beside one of the cases in the harlequin romance section. He couldn't figure out who would be doing it considering there was never any residual scent of a stranger just the books laying seemingly forgotten. 

It continued like this for days that turned into weeks, Derek would leave the library having been called away to help with something for the building or the kids need something. By the time he would get back sometimes an hour or two later, nothing about the library had changed; not the scent, not the feel and yet there the books were. Their spines carefully worked and resting, pages open and just left. It was starting to irritate him, like someone was playing an elaborate prank on him for no reason. For one week it was the same book over and over, but found in every spot imaginable; on a chair's seat, the window ledge, on top of one of the bookshelves and once in the bathroom.

He was just picking up the latest book Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle its the heavy leather bound type of book, the pages worn and tinted with age. It is his favorite type of book, he's just lifting it up fingers caressing the cover and feeling the spine for damage when a voice broke the silence making him startle as he hadn't heard anyone's heart beat.

“You!” The boy snaps his expressive face contorting into a frustrated annoyed frown, one hand clenched into a fist while the other is pointing at him. “You're the person who keeps putting my books back, even when I tried to hide them you found them.” He continues, blinking in confusion as he continues to watch him. Derek found himself frozen in place at the sight of the boy, all skinny limbs, pale skin, moles and that expressive face. He hadn't been expecting anyone, and now that he saw the boy standing before him and can hear his heart beating loud and clear it's a wonder that he hadn't heard it before.

“I'm sorry I didn't realize someone was actually coming in.” Derek forces himself to speak, voice rough and quiet in the near silence of the library before he slowly puts the book back where he had found it on the small circular table that sat beside one of the hidden armchairs. He doesn't open it back up, the boy will have to find his spot again sadly but it couldn't be helped, he would make sure to leave the books where he found them from now on unless it was near the end of his shift.

He's glancing around the library now not sure what he should do before a soft sound pulls his attention back to the boy who's still staring at him but his mouth is open and curved up into a wide smile as he stands there giggling softly. “Yeah I tend to be here after school cause the cafeteria here sucks, no seriously I can't express how much the food sucks.” The boy says with a shrug as he walks over to where Derek is standing, not worried about personal space as he slips between Derek and the table to all but curl up in the armchair. 

The silence once more wrapped itself around them, making Derek shift on his feet as he glances too the boy and away. Slowly he shifts and turns around walking away to find something to occupy his mind and hands. So it went that Derek would show up for work, help the other workers with tasks, do some mild repairs to the old worn building before slipping into the Library. Now that he was looking for it, when Stiles was present the scent of vanilla was more prominent and intermixed with something that he had yet to scent or taste; something that must have been pure Stiles. The scent chased him, followed him now that he was aware of it. It haunted him, teased him with something familiar that made him want to run but locked him in place.

So the school days passed with his schedule never changing till the boy arrived at the youth center, cheeks flushed from the cold wind as fall hit Beacon Hills firmly at the end of September. They would spend their afternoons in silence as he cleaned up and took care of the library as Stiles worked on his homework. Derek refused to sit down or pay any attention to the kid till it was done, he could tell the boy was lonely it was in the way he would watch Derek and make sure he was still around, the way he would listen to him. When he was sure the library was still in order then he would find a book that caught his eye before going to join the other boy at his latest spot to read. 

It was through these quiet times that he learned about the kid, learned that he preferred the name Stiles over the one he was given at birth, that he was fourteen, His best friend's name was Scott McCall, that they had been friends since kindergarten, he lost his mother not even a year ago, that Scott had found his match and had no time for him as he was busy trying to win her parents over. That Scott's match was the new girl in town, Allison Argent, that her parents had come back to town after moving away three years ago. How Stiles was jealous, annoyed and happy about this occurrence.

The mention of Argent nearly had him falling into a panic attack, it froze him and stole his breath but there was something in the way Stiles talked about her that calmed him. The way he described her and Scott's meeting was like the summary off the back of a Disney movie. All flowers, stuttering sentences, blushes and hiding their faces behind their hair or books. The way he spoke of their matching Marks in the crook of their elbows of two arrows crossed. It was the way his eyes lit up when talking about the prospect of finding his match, about the way his dad still spoke of his mother. There was just so much hope in the boy, so much wonder about who his match could be. 

Stiles talks, he talks a lot but its normally about nothing important, till you actually clue in and listen; listen to the details he doesn't mention, the things he ignores or forgets about. It's all in the little details when it comes to Stiles. He'll talk around things, circle them, never really touch down on the points he really wants or when he does he hides them away. Buries them under random facts or awkward jokes hoping you'll loose sight of them in the jumble of words he tossed down. It's in those moments when he really speaks they way he'll shift in his chair, expressive face stilling, eyes wide as he watches to see if you picked up what he didn't want known. So he took to letting Stiles speak as he needs too, speak and let the words tumble over themselves while letting him know that what he says is safe with him.

By the time the year has gone by their friendship is more then just after school at the library, they meet up at parks when the weather has finally gotten warm again, at a local cafe for some cool drinks. He has even spent some time over at the Stilinski home to meet Stiles's father who wears a white silk band around his forearm to cover his Mark to honor his late wife. Derek knows they make a weird pair when they go out, him barely speaking unless needed or in a deep conversation with Stiles and Stiles well to most who didn't know him seemingly talking too much.

Derek still doesn't know what he wants to do in life, still doesn't know his path though he does know though that his feet are still tethered to Beacon Hills. He had applied to take a few online courses starting the Fist Semester after summer break too keep his parents happy as well as because of his own interest in them. He still got to work at the youth center but not nearly as often as before, his online courses are in depth and Derek's finding himself optimistic.

\- - -  
It's two years later and Derek is still for the most part tethered to Beacon Hills, knows that he's still here because his Match is either here or soon to be coming here. It's called a ghost bond because Matches have either been in close proximity for a very long time or they had touched with out knowing during a happenstance meeting. It has been documented in all over the world and in every culture, through out history. He's taken courses at the community College just one city over, Derek's busier now and the ghost bond is humming with both contentment and desperation. He's twenty-one now and Laura and their older brother ad come down from their own lives to get him to celebrate it.

Not that Werewolves could get drunk by mortal means, the strain of wolfsbane needed was rare in the states and was expensive to buy but some how Laura had managed to find enough to get the three of them completely trashed. It wasn't like anything else Derek had experienced and not sure if he wanted to again, especially not with how the wolf had howled and thrashed under his control. It had been a fight most of the night to keep himself from shifting and run, running where he didn't know just that there was something on the peripheral of his sense and that made the wolf to hunt it down. 

Of course Laura and Jason coming down to see them meant that mom could demand that they all head down to San Francisco to visit Uncle Peter who had finally found his own match after years of searching and Derek had never been so thankful before now that he had made plans for the weekend to hang out with Stiles as the Sheriff was out of town. Stiles had had his own sixteenth birthday two months before hand with a party that made his home feel crowded with all his friends he had made over the years. He would have had to suffer through the noise, the rank scents of others choking up Stiles own scent if it hadn't been for the rogue omega that had shown up in their territory. But now here he was waiting for Stiles to finish getting ready so they could go to the movies for the latest big budget action movie they were going too, mostly just to hang out and later tear it apart. It was now a standard tradition for them after nearly three years of their odd friendship, one that neither of their parents let them miss.

Tilting his head back till it thumped lightly against the wall, Derek couldn't help but growl in annoyance as Stiles seemed to take forever in the shower. By this rate they were going to be unable to grab food and be late for the movie. Rolling his eyes he glances to Stiles desk and glared at his laptop that no doubt had kept Stiles's attention till right before Derek was due too pick him up. It was the same thing that happen ever time, one of these days he was just going to make Stiles meet him at the theater. He was just about ready to go and bang on the bathroom door and demand that Stiles stop jerking off when the water shut off in the bathroom. It wasn't much later when the bedroom door bursts open and Derek's standing up by reflex before the sight of Stiles catches up too him. 

The boys is still dripping water and barely covered by his towel, water drops still dotting his pink flushed skin from the heat but worse of all the sharp heady scent of him hit him like a freight train. It was all musk and the sharp scent of ozone, vanilla and something that he couldn't place. Derek startled out of the zone when Stiles spoke, his back facing him as the sixteen year old headed for his closet. 

“Sorry forgot clean clothes in the rush to get into the shower, I lost track of time.” Stiles voice is calm and not in a rush at all, his heart beat tripping over itself instead of its usual calm beat. The contrast between voice and body made him cock his head to the side as he tries to listen, try to find the lie or something between the two languages. “I wont be much longer I promise and I'll even buy the food this time” The boy offers as he turns arms filled with clean clothes and a wide bright smile on his face as he shifts ever so slightly. And its then that Derek spies the mark, at first he had thought Stiles to be wearing bright blue briefs under his towel till he focuses in on it and the bright blue lines focus to form the intricate endless knot. 

Derek is so at a loss for words at the sight of that mark, so well known to him in the same bright dizzying color that he bore on his chest. He can't stop his hand from lifting up to press into his own mark, can't do anything at all as Stiles blinks frowns so slightly that the smile that over took his face seemed to light up the room. Derek's swallowing choking on his panic and the next thing he knows he's out the window and ripping his clothes off to shift and run.

\- - -  
They're cuddled up on the living room couch, fingers entwined on one hand as they presses as tight together as they could, neither could think of putting any space between them as the bond thrums so strong and contented between them. Their hearts beating the exact same beat as Stiles's back presses into his front, their entwined hands resting against Stiles's lower belly off setting the boys own mark. Derek never thought he would have this, never thought he'd actually find his match because he had never bothered to even look; but now it seemed his match had found him. Tilting his head down Derek buries his nose into the still growing locks of Stiles's wild mane of hair to breath in the scent he was quickly becoming addicted too.

“Derek?” Stiles questions softly as he shifts slightly so he could look at him, arching his brow instead of verbally asking, Derek drags his nose along the boy's scalp scenting him hungrily. They were going to have to talk to both their parents, then get registered at the city hall as a bonded pair but all he wanted to do was build them a den and not let Stiles go or face the world just yet. The soft sound that came from his mate made him blink and choke on a laugh at what he supposed was what Stiles thought a growl sounded like. 

“Derek I need to tell you something.” Stiles says as he pulls away so he was sitting between Derek's legs facing him, his face was creased in worry as his fingers on his free hand twitched and flexed in nervous tell. “So I don't know if you remember this or not but umm I was at the station the day everything went down with Kate. I offered you the pop I had just gotten and we touched; I felt the bond start forming and I recognized you.” He says slowly before lifting up his shirt to show the mark that was still nothing more then the blue endless knot, Derek watches as Stiles uses the hem of his shirt to whip over the mark slowly pulling off the special make-up used to hide marks reveling Derek's name in sharp slanted handwriting in a shade of blue that is closer to navy then the bright blue of the knot. 

“I've known you were my match since I was eleven years old, I've waited and never pressed. When it first happened I thought maybe you had recognized me as well but were too stunned by everything that had happened with Kate, so I waited thinking maybe you needed time. Dad's known about it obviously and he likes you for you not just because you are my match. When it became apparent that you hadn't recognized me, I decided you needed more time. I wasn't planned on forcing the recognition, I tried to keep as far away from you as possible if it was to happen I wanted it to be organic.” Stiles continues on the words nearly tripping over themselves on his tongue as he looks him directly in the eyes, his face still lined with worry while his eyes are wide and hopeful. 

“That day we first met in the library? I was so stunned that it was you there holding my book that it took me minutes to say anything and even what came out wasn't all that smart. Afterword’s? All I wanted was you any way I could have you and I had been so lonely what with Scott meeting Allison and recognizing her and Lydia and Jackson finally recognizing each other after all these years. So I left it all be your decision, I did try to get you to touch me every now and then but you were so lost I don't think you realized it.” He says voice trailing off and Derek could see him organizing his thoughts to press on but before Stiles could say anything more he reaches out and pulls Stiles back against him as the boy finally falls silent, his chest heaving for breath as his hands twist in Derek's shirt. He knows he's tense but as Stiles relaxes into him he lets out a slow breath and allows himself to relax as well, breathing in the boys scent. There are no words to explain how he feels about this other then the fact that compared to Stiles he really was an idiot. He should have figured this all out years ago, especially once he had recognized the ghost bond. 

“You are right I am an idiot.” Is all he could manage to whisper out before bending his head to press a still chaste kiss to Stiles's lips. Derek knows the boy would try to push their relationship forwards as quick as he can, and he knows that he'll be toeing the line as well but he would never cross it. Not till Stiles was eighteen, they have a five year difference in age and right now his mate was still underage. Their age difference wasn't the largest gap recorded in fact it was fairly common, Derek knows that most parents and the law tended to over look mated pairs registered but he wasn't going too. Stiles has waited five years so far, two more wasn't going to hurt him. Pulling away from the kiss Derek smirks at the soft sound that left his mate as Stiles leans in to continue the kiss only to pout as Derek keeps the distance. 

“I'm going to regret the decision to get you to recognize me before my eighteenth birthday aren't I?” Stiles groans as his forehead comes to rest on Derek's chest right over his mark with a pout. Derek couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled out of him, at the disappointment that rung loud and clear over the bond. Two years of waiting wasn't going to be a walk in the park for him either but considering he hadn't even been looking before Stiles found him? His life was looking up, he had plans to make and college to finally fully enroll in, and the fact that the beat and pulse of Stiles was thrumming over the bond and into his marrow made it all that much better. 

He could have lost everything but instead he had gained it all.


End file.
